How’ve things been the past week? Pretty good overall. I’ve been getting myself more regular exercise, I’m trying to eat more healthily (not so easy for me – waaay too fussy! – but I’m trying), I met up with some friends I haven’t seen for a while, things in work seem to be getting more structured… finally, and I’m starting to pick up playing the guitar at last.

So overall things are looking good… I still want more from myself of course, that’s just how I work I guess, but at least things are moving along.

This evening I watched the latest episode of One Tree Hill (vague spoilers ahead, so if you watch it and are a few episodes behind, you have been warned). It’s always been a show that I can relate to, scarily so sometimes. It has happened on numerous occasions already that when something is going on in my life, it is then tackled in OTH. So it’s certainly a show that hits some nerves with me.

These past few episodes have done just that, albeit a little indirectly. There has been a theme of dealing with death (and with it, loss in general) and also a lot of finding your way, dealing with the unknown and trust between people. Now the death side of things is something that I want to write about, but that will be for another time. Here I’d like to focus on the other part.

In the last episode there was mistrust between two of the characters. This led to one assuming the worst from other without finding out if it were actually true. I’ve been guilty of this before most certainly. It’s easy to see something or hear about something and just jump to the worst case scenario.
Why do we do it? It’s a defense mechanism I think. There’s a suggestion that someone that means the world to us could be doing something behind our backs or perhaps just not feel the same way we do, and without proof we bring up the shields ready for the worst, because unprotected it could really beat us down. So we bring up the walls, do and say stupid things and then find out that our fears were unfounded. You just gotta hope then that the damage done is not too great.
And the most stupid thing is that we do this time and time again. It’s a natural reaction that is very hard to turn off sometimes, and it’s all down to fear of losing those who we love.
There’s a fine line between having complete trust in people and being naive. It can sometimes be very difficult to find that line.

Then there’s the other part – finding which path to take in life, and in love. The problem here is that… you can’t ever really know your path. In fact, I’m not even sure there are paths anymore. You don’t know what is gonna come next for you. To go back to death for a second, and thinking a little morbidly… death could be waiting for you just next week. It’s not in your control. There are accidents, there are illnesses, there are attacks from vicious people. Simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time could end it all, at any point in time.
That’s very much a dark thing to consider, but it isn’t the intention to leave it at that. My point is that the only thing we truly have control over is what happens to us right now. The past is done. The future is unpredictable. The question is, what do you want right now before it’s too late?

Feel your heart beating. What is it beating for? What does it long for? Concentrate purely on what your heart tells you. Then stop and think about it. I bet your brain now says to stop being silly, that it isn’t possible. I bet it brings up all kinds of questions about things that could go wrong, and thinks about the risks you would be taking.
Well let’s think about risk for a second. The truth is that every single thing in this world carries risk. No exceptions. It is everywhere. It’s attached to every single action. That makes it irrelevant, in a sense.

It’s going back to fear again. Fear of losing often overshadows seeing what you can gain, but if you don’t take any actions you don’t ever gain anything.
So I ask you now, instead of thinking “what if it goes wrong?”, pose this question to yourself: What if it goes right?
That thing that you want – a person, an environment, anything – it is possible for what you imagine to come true. It’s possible it wont, yeah, but it’s 100% certain that it wont, if you do nothing.
While you indulge your fear, your chance may slip away and you may never get it back. So if you want something, just go for it. If you don’t get it, you’re no worse off than having done nothing. But if you do get it, all your dreams come true. Have a little faith in yourself and those that you love. Keep them close and together you can overcome that which you fear.

I’ll end it with a fitting quote taken from tonight’s episode:
”Give your head permission to follow your heart.”