I don’t know why, perhaps it has come about from making my blog, but I have recently had urges to start writing. I thought at first that it was just an impulse, an idea that would fade away, but it comes back time and time again. Problem is, if I give in to it and try to write something… what do I write? I have no idea, so I have nowhere to start.

Although I never thought of myself as a writer, it is something to think about perhaps. If I ever find inspiration on it.

Only wednesday? no way! I had a feeling this would happen and it is turning out as expected. The days are dragging on. I wish this week would just be over to be honest, but I don’t want to go into that. Not now.

Monday was an interesting day. At the weekend there was a festival type thing on in Liverpool. The “tall ships” were at the docks. I don’t really know why they are named that really. I mean, it sounds like a name some small children would use! They are just sailing ships.. ships with masts and sails. So why not just call them that? Anyway, we went to see them on the monday as they sailed off down the river. It was quite nice but there were so many people there. We left early so as not to be caught in the crowds when it was over.

After that we took a trip to my old primary school. It will be closing down over the summer as they are merging with another school. Seeing as my dad is on the board of governors there, he arranged for us to go to have a look around for nostalgic purposes. It was strange to see because a lot of it had hardly changed at all. The old hall, the playground, the classrooms. We also saw a few old teachers which was nice They seemed just the same too. When we were about to leave, the caretaker called us over. She had dug out some of the old photo albums that they keep, from school trips and such. The had found the year that I was there! There were a couple of pics with me on, which she let me keep.

It was always a nice school, although not all memories are great from there. Memories like those I’d rather keep in the past, but it was nice to feel some good ones too for a while I hope they can carry on well at their new site.

Snow Patrol – Open Your Eyes

“Get up, get out, get away from these liars
‘Cause they don’t get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we’ll walk from this dark room for the last time
Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
‘Cause I need you to look into mine

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won’t waste a minute without you”

 Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars

“I don’t quite know how to say how I feel
Those three words, are said too much, they’re not enough.

If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world?”

Yesterday was my 21st birthday, and now is the time to look back and reflect on the journey I have taken during the last year and the person I have become.

Taking it back to the start then. I had just finished my second year of my university degree and had chosen my project for the final year (The Yahtzee game available on this site). I was still working in the newsagent back then, already for more than a year. It’s hard to believe how long I spent there sometimes. It was around two years by the time I quit. My sister had moved out of the house by then, so I could finally have a room to myself instead of sharing with my brother. The new room was small, but looking at it now it works well for me I have everything I need in there.

Also around this time was the first time I told M how I felt about her. Only a year ago… it feels like a lifetime! Since that time (and some time before it too i guess) I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster. My feelings grew for her over time til I realised it was love. My pulse would rise; I’d get butterflies; just thinking about her made me smile. Although we didnt know each other physically, there was a strong bond between us on a psychological and intellectual level. Our personalities seemed to click.

The last year of Uni was pretty awesome Yeah, there were a lot of boring lectures, but we still managed to make the most out of them. I don’t think that we once resorted to doing crossword puzzles from newspapers or playing DS this year (go us! ) but we did often have our laptops with us for one module in second semester. The lecturer was so boring and you could hardly understand him. That plus the fact that everything he said in lectures we could follow through in the tutorial sessions meant that we didnt suffer too much from messing on laptops. Not that we messed that much (some games of cards and chess), we often worked on our projects instead

We also had probably the best module on the course in the first semester. Diz (greatest lecturer ever!) teaching us Computer Graphics and Vision stuff was great. The guy can’t be beaten. He has a mixture of funniness, “oh god, he didnt just say that” stuff, and a baffling amount of knowledge on all of computing. I think I can speak for us all when I say we’ll certainly miss that guy  I came out of Uni with a first class honours degree and that guy’s quirkiness was a good help in getting that. He kept things interesting whereas other lecturers were hard to pay attention to sometimes.

Moving on to home life, my sister moved away to Australia earlier in the year. It’s strange not having her around but we still keep in touch. Technology has come so far that distance isn’t as big an issue as it used to be. With webcams, microphones, instant messengers, emails and of course telephones, the only contact missing is physical. Not that that isn’t a big loss, but it could be a lot worse My brother is now in the middle of his A Levels in school (the step before university for those who don’t know the system). Part of me is wondering how he got there so fast My little bro has to start thinking about universities… time flies indeed

Also this year, my dad had his hip resurfaced. We were all concerned with him going into the operation but he came out fine and has since recovered wonderfully He used to have troubles walking long distances because his hip would begin to ache, but now he’s as good as new. My mum however isn’t so lucky. She has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (basically she gets very tired easily so needs to regulate her activities carefully), which unfortunately hasn’t really improved this year. She is learning to deal with it better though, so mentally that’s something I guess

Finally, my goals and dreams in life. Career wise, last year I would have told you that I want to be a game programmer. A year on however, I’m not so sure. I know now that I would like to do programming in some form. I’m good at it, I enjoy it and I’m willing to learn more about it. But there are so many option available now. Game programming would be a nice option still, but I am having doubts due to the possible large working hours. If it’s something I enjoy then perhaps it wouldn’t be a problem, but it also depends on what else I have in my life, and how much time I would have to give elsewhere. I’m sure I will work something out

Then there’s relationships. By the age of 21 I would have hoped to be in a relationship by now. I have M, who I have a strong connection with. We seem to be intellectually and emotionally compatible. Physically, we cannot know yet due to circumstances explained in other posts. Although I am being patient with her, and hoping that there might be some opportunity with her, I am not solely focussed on her. I just haven’t yet found anyone else who I am interested in in that way. Perhaps I am too fussy, but perhaps not seeing as I have found someone. In the end, settling for someone just because you want to be with someone most likely won’t work out in the long run. So that is something that I will not do They say patience is a virtue. I hope they are right

So there’s a summary of my year. In some ways a lot has happened, in other ways not so much. But it is what it is, and I am who I am. The only thing now is where I go from here