Something came to me tonight. I don’t know what happened that triggered it. I can’t think of anything special but here it is (this is what blog is for right?). Whether in future I get a chance with M or not, I will always love her, and she will always be special to me. And I hope with all my heart that she can find it in herself to seek out the happiness she deserves, and one day be able to feel the way she makes me feel.

So here’s a big thank you to you M, for showing me that life can be great, with the right people in it

Pl, tp upebz tffnfe up qbtt nf cz bhbjo xjuipvu cmphhjoh. Cvu J ep xbou up qptu tpnfuijoh tp ifsf jt. Tnbmm boe nfbojohmftt cvu dpvme tujmm mbtu b xijmf

…that is the question.

The answer is no.. for now. It’s late, so just gonna sleep. Will post tomorrow.

A thought that occurred to me… what if something that doesn’t happen now, won’t happen in the future? An “it’s now or never” kinda thing.

It came to me because I’m in a stage of my life now where I have time. I can go where I like, see who I like, do what I like. There is a window of opportunity here but it won’t last forever. I worry that if something doesn’t happen now, there may not be a time for it later when I have a job and am “settled”. And what if that thing is something I really need, something great? It would be a real shame to let it pass away. There’s also the chance of that something settling also. Settled apart – what happens then?

But unfortunately as it stands now, I can’t actually go where I like, see who I like, do what I like… because there is a “block” and if that block doesn’t disappear before my window closes, will it be too late? I hope not.. because said block is a complex thing to move, if it will ever be moved.. I don’t know.

So, the results are in. I came out of Uni with a first in my Computer Science course I guess I can start writing BSc after my name now Now I just need to find what to do with it… Individual results will be released on monday, so then I will be able to see what I got in each module. Reeeally wanna see what I got for my project!

This post is not only for me though. I also want to say a huuuge congrats to Helina who is doing awesome in her exams so far. Keep it up! I know you can go all the way

I also went to see the new Indiana Jones on results day. Was awesome! It had the same feel as the older movies which was nice. Interesting way to go with the storyline (not giving anything away), but it didn’t take anything away from my enjoyment of the film so it’s in no way a complaint. Gonna have to go back and watch the old ones again now

Not much else been going on, to put on here at least, so.. til next time..

It’s been an interesting day… got up pretty early, ran several km on the wii, did normal everyday stuff. With the people around me though, things were a little different. I had to do some convincing. Two people (not giving away who) were considering quitting something important in their life, although they both couldn’t quite see that at this time.

I managed to get through on both accounts i think (these were unrelated events), but with one of them things still were not quite right later on. I’m trying my best to be there and support, but I wonder if sometimes I give too much. It’s possible what I do for them is just what they need or it could be too much for them given the circumstances. These circumstances I shall not reveal, or not just yet anyway I think the best thing to do is to follow my heart and my gut and hope they lead me in the right direction. What else can I do?

In other news, I get my university result tomorrow so time to sleep as I have to be up early for it. Best of luck to my uni mates too! Wishing for good grades all around

The unknown. What is it? What does it mean? Does it even exist if noone can know what it is? If it doesn’t exist then why can we be so afraid of it?

It is said that “what you don’t know can’t hurt you”, but it is often a lot easier to “know” than it is to be in the dark. The unknown can be one of the hardest things one has to face. If you know a situation, what is going to happen, then you can prepare yourself. You can accept the facts and move on with other things. However when you come across a situation where you are in the dark, perhaps not just you but everyone else involved too, how can you prepare? How can you move on?

I, myself, struggle with the unknown. I try to base things on facts. It is how my mind works. But when there are none available, no source to turn to for answers, it becomes difficult to deal with. I try to accept that I must concentrate on what I know, what is fact, and just let the rest play out on its own but I still am haunted by questions. What ifs and whens and whys. What is happening that I cannot see? Is there even anything? Is it paranoia? Questions that cannot be answered.

The only option is to ignore them. Push them to the back of my mind, and work with what I do know and what I feel. You cannot predict the future. The behaviour of people can be both predictable and spontaneous leaving no room for certainty. If we could see how things would turn out, things would be a lot simpler and difficult decisions would be easier to make. However the unknown remains to cloud our vision, and my brain continues to produce questions that demand answers. But the answers will never come…