Oh hai

Sometimes you’re left wondering what you want.
Sometimes you know exactly what you want.
Sometimes you wish you knew how to achieve it.
Sometimes there are just too many other factors in the way.
Sometimes you just need to talk it out.
Sometimes you’re not sure if you’re capable.
Sometimes you want to push on with something but just can’t find the inspiration.
Sometimes you have too much inspiration that you can’t make sense of it.
Sometimes memories come up from the past that make you smile or cry.
Sometimes memories seem so distant you’re not even sure they were real.
Sometimes you’re sure.
Sometimes you doubt.
But always, there’s you and there’s me. Sometimes I wish that was enough.

I just read this article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-11258739

Yet again, the world is going nuts over religion. A guy is threatening to burn a book…

Firstly, the guy’s an idiot. Knowing the world we live in, it’s obvious that something like that is just gonna blow things up. No good can come of it.

But let’s also look at the other side. He’s threatening… to burn a book…? So what? It’s a book. A printed book. Say he burns thousands. So what? There are enough out there aren’t there?

Yeah, yeah, it’s what it represents. But it’s just 1 guy in the world, who cares what he thinks? Just let it go, stop giving him attention. He’s doing a lot of damage to the world, but I think it shows what a crazy world we live in where something so trivial can cause that.

I honestly am not sure whether religion drives people insane or if insane people tend to follow it…

I don’t have anything against religion until it starts to impact on others. It’s supposed to be personal belief. I wish people would stop getting so offended at everything to do with it, and acknowledge that noone’s religion is the “right” one. Believe what you want, but let others do the same and stop threatening and killing over it.

Sadly it’s nothing new in the history of humanity, so it probably won’t be ending any time soon. Quite pathetic.

Note: I’m pretty pissed at the moment (angry, not drunk – in fact, I’m angry because of drunkenness, if that even makes sense), so this post may contain some expletives. If you get offended easily, by that or anything else, I wouldn’t bother continuing to read.

So why is it that people think it’s great fun to get off their heads and make pricks out of themselves? I don’t get it. At all.
I used to drink a bit, several years ago now. Then one time I got “drunk”, not wasted, just enough to be drunk. I didn’t like it at all. I felt like I wasn’t fully in control and I didn’t like that. So I stopped drinking. I haven’t had any alcohol since, I don’t see the point.

Other people enjoy to, and as it’s legal, it’s their right to do so, but why the fuck do so many insist on going completely out of their minds that they don’t have a fucking clue what they are doing? It’s embarrassing, it really is.

And it’s really not good for society either. We’re building a society where you can’t have fun without alcohol. I see it around me in my younger brother. I can’t remember a time when I’ve seen him and his friends spend time together without a beer in hand. And I’m sure it’s the same for a lot of younger people growing up. Alcohol is alluring. They aren’t allowed it growing up (though that doesn’t stop a lot of them) and then suddenly they can, so they start chugging it down their throats. And who’s setting the example? The adults who can’t get enough of it either.

Now yeah I know, there are plenty of people around who drink responsibly, and that’s great. But even if they’re the majority, there are still far too many people abusing it. And it’s a real, fucking disgrace.

I was just about to head off to bed, when I find my brother sprawled on the couch asleep with the TV on. He was out earlier with friends. I sigh, and go and give him a poke to tell him to get to his bed. Not so simple. First I actually have to wake him, which is a difficult job even when he’s not intoxicated. Then when he’s actually semi-awake, I try to get through to him that he’s in the living room and should go to bed. No such luck.
He just keeps trying to go back to sleep, and ends up yelling at me in gibberish. So I just turned the TV and lights off and left the git there.

And this is what has pissed me off. People don’t actually get to see how fucking ridiculous they get when drunk out of their minds. It’s just pathetic really. This is the great human race. I think if humanity would look in a mirror, and actually give a fuck for once, they may actually be horrified by what they see.

/end rant

Waaoiii, so much to do at the moment but I dunno how to fit it all in!

Reading, writing, programming, learning guitar, drawing, playing through my games, playing sports and getting out and seeing the whole world. Those are the things on my want-to-do list currently but it’s hard to find time for them between work and general tedious everyday tasks. Weekends are even flying by far too fast to get much done.

I’ve tried drawing up some kind of plan to help with it (I’m a planner, that’s what I do) but still I can’t really squeeze everything in. Guess I’ll just have to put some things on the backburner for now!

I also have the problem that I’m in the mood for a holiday. Looking back over my photos from USA, I’d love to get back over there, but it just aint happening any time soon. I only have 6 days of holiday left to take off work until next April.. woohoo….
I think anywhere would be nice but again, time is the issue. I have a feeling this is something that will always plague me. I’m someone who works to live, not lives to work. Work is just something that will always be in my way, but while I need the money I guess I have no choice in the matter!

Keep praying for a lottery win eh?

It’s been an interesting week. A pretty good week. I’ve been getting back in touch with friends I haven’t talked to in a while, I’ve had a flash of genius on a software product which hopefully I’ll take somewhere this time, and things are generally going well *touch wood*.

Two days ago I went in for surgery on my foot and I didn’t really care all that much. My mood was too good for it to really get me down. And now I get a few days relaxing, it’s awesome

It’s really great when things start to look up. I think my holiday in USA about a month ago really helped with that. It really opened my eyes to a lot of things. It may sound corny but it was a life changing few weeks I think. It’s like the fog and monotony I had previously is gone and suddenly there’s a wealth of opportunities. It’s a good feeling

It’s not all positive though (is it ever? ). Whilst I’ve been catching up with old friends and even meeting someone new (who seems rather cool. We’ll see where that one goes ), it seems I’m losing touch with a much closer friend. And it’s a bit confusing really.

One minute you’re told that you’re such an important person in someone’s life and you mean a lot to them, the next they don’t even try to talk to you unless you start conversation first.
Maybe there’s something I don’t know going on but I don’t really feel inclined to say hi to someone when it feels like they’re avoiding me.

Maybe they just want some space for a while, or maybe I was right about that friendship all along – that it was more than that, and never really was about being friends. Either way, we used to talk to each other about things like that, things that would bother us. I guess we don’t any more.

Anyway, time for a relaxing weekend, keeping my feet up and continue planning the rest of my life

“You were my four leaf clover
My pure white dove
You were my lightning strike
And my knock on wood
My hope, my faith
My luck and love
Yeah
You were my shooting star
That lit up the sky
Then you broke the mirror
And my heart died
No hope, no faith
No luck, no love
Just ordinary
Just ordinary now”

It’s still hard to move along, but I’m trying. I realised that it’s pretty impossible to be close friends with Helina for the moment. We’ll still be friends I’m sure, but I’m taking a bit of distance. It’s not something I want to do but it’s for the best.

It’s already been a little easier so that’s good I guess. But that doesn’t mean it’s been completely smooth sailing. I’ve been busy preparing for my holiday to America (leaving next Friday!) but still she creeps into my mind from time to time. I’m trying to stay focused on the present rather than trying to drag back the past, but it’s not easy.

Each and every day I still want her back. I can’t shake that feeling. I guess one day it will go but til then I’m just trying to kick it down. The hardest part of that is that nothing really went wrong! In a way it would be easier if we fell out… if something terrible happened to break us apart, but it didn’t. A choice was made, that’s all. And so I still just see her the same way. She’s a wonderful woman; funny, caring, passionate, interesting. I know if this was a conversation with her, she’d say that I think too much of her, but it’s all true. It’s gonna be tough to find a replacement for her. Someone who clicks with me like she did. I liked how she knows and accepts the ways she’s different to others and it was great to know someone else like that. We could just be strange together

But hey, we’re getting past that, so let’s talk about something else!

Last night I went to see Diana Vickers in concert (quotation above is from her song ‘Four Leaf Clover’). I was on the fence about whether I was a fan of hers before I went but she completely sold it to me. It was a great performance, good night all around

Then I’ll also comment on the political stuff going on at the moment. As was expected… we have a hung parliament. Disappointing but hey, what you gonna do? I just hope whoever makes it into power now will do what is necessary to fix what has gone wrong. We have some dodgy policies flying around in those parties and it would be good to see them working together to do what is RIGHT. That’s all we need right now. I’m a little concerned about David Cameron, who’s looking to get power currently. He has the questionable policies and he better not screw it up.

Also on the note of policies, the Conservatives are looking to remove the ban on fox hunting with dogs. This is wrong, plain and simple. If it’s wrong for humans to be killed for fun, why is it not the same for foxes? Life is life, regardless of species. There’s a group founded by Brian May standing against this. Website is here. Facebook group is here. Show your support in any way you can!

Now for some sleep… busy week ahead…